I’ve been having a stressful couple of days, or maybe its been weeks, or maybe the past year?
Have you ever felt like you were stuck in a funk, just going about your daily hectic routine, whether your happy or not.. but you’re just trying to get all your errands, work, commitments, responsibilities…. done so you can go to bed and wake up to do the same damn thing! Well, that’s been me for the past 2 or 3 months, until I had a mini breakdown out to lunch with my girlfriends the other day! People, its not good to keep it all in – you will explode.
Snapshot of a typical week: Monday-Friday get up to the pup trying to jump up on the bed (5:45 AM), try to snooze a little longer with Freddy licking your face, dog walk & clean up (6:15 AM) (The paws get so muddy with the morning dew!) (6:45 AM),breakfast, put the coffee on, jump in the shower (7 AM), find an outfit QUICK (7:15 AM), dry my hair, brush my teeth, make the coffees, fill Freddy’s Kong, leave the house (7:30 AM), sit in traffic to work (chance to do my makeup), get to work 8:00 AM-8:15 AM depending on the horrors of traffic that day.
I wont even get into my days AT work right now – that’s a whole other post worthy.
Lunch time: drive home to take the pup for a walk. leave at 12:00, home 12:20, walk till 12:40, Fill the Kong, back to work for 1 PM. Did I forget to eat?
Drive home: 5 PM. Sit in traffic, a lot of traffic. Get home around 6 PM, get the mail, dog walk, (Wednesdays: drive 30 mins in traffic for play time, Thursdays: drive to Cambridge for Puppy Kindergarten),clean the dishes, make dinner, 8 PM, eat dinner 8:45 PM, put laundry away, pack lunches,
Relax, play with Freddy, get ready for bed, r ead Dental school books, Sleeep!!
Weekend: commitments on top of commitments. Nico and I have a shared calender on our Iphone to help us with this! Unfortunately with Nico’s busy work load and going through his MBA, we don’t get to spend much time together – so the calender is our genius idea of keeping track of any important commitments we have going on (i.e weddings, engagement parties, surprise parties, baby showers, family dinners, homework, housework and yes sometimes if we’re lucky blocked off time to spend just “us time” together!)
I’m not really liking this routine. It is starting to take a toll on me, physically, mentally and emotionally.
I know I shouldn’t look in the past, but a part of me keeps holding on and looking back to that moment Poznan University told me they had a seat for me in their DDS program for 2011 *30 students out of 2100 applicants* The range of emotions that came over me that hot summer day in NYC went from absolute shock to happiness to excitement to sadness. My friends, family and myself convinced me that getting in to a prestigious school in Europe meant that I had an amazing shot of getting into dental school here. Problem was, Poznan excepted me for the September admission (which was 4 weeks away!) and I was still waiting to hear back from the USA schools I applied for (which you get an answer anywhere from December to the following year in late Spring)
So, after weighing out all the factors slash talking to established dentists I had met during my service trip to Honduras, I decided to wait and see if I would be excepted here. RISKYYY
Well, as you can gather, I got wait-listed 3/5 schools and denied 2/5 schools. Wait-listed is a whole other ballpark. You still have the chance, the hope that you will be chosen!! I did my math and the chance of anyone getting into dental school compares equivalently with medical school to a 3%-7% chance…
Anyways, time to move on? As we approach the end of Fall 2014 , I can’t help but realize that I would of been a EU Dentist right now!! But would I get accepted into the extremely competitive international program in the US? Would I want to practice solely in Europe?, would I be single? Would I be happy? The thing is, I’m what you call Polish Stubborn, in that because I spent so much of my time, dedication, research, philanthropy work, internships, dental assisting hours, stress, tears, money, relationships, social life, physical and mental states to get in and didn’t…I lost hope. I know that sounds HORRIBLE!! But life choices and life decisions are different for everyone out there. No 2 people are exactly the same. For me, I am extremely hard on myself & stubborn with myself – I hate to say it, but I consider this a failure. At least I did at the time, maybe the subconscious of me still does. I know I’m only 26 ….or I’m already 26!!!… however you want to look at it, but I think there comes a time in your life, when you realize you need to make sure you are HAPPY! Of course, we need to make money. But I want to do that by waking up HAPPY every day or at least going through my day not like a robot but as a human being enjoying and taking in all that life has to offer.
Is dentistry my passion? yes (maybe). Do I love teeth and helping people with dental problems. YES! Will I always continue to take any chance I get to volunteer for a service trip to help with dental care? Of course! Will I move on and believe everything happens for a reason. YES, I have to. I don’t want to force my way getting into school. I honestly believe, if it was meant to be for me. I would of went to Europe or better yet, I would of been accepted here.
I will always think of it and always light up when people ask me dental questions and I will still attend dental conferences, (as long as the dental office I work at part-part-part time still lets me go with them 😉 ) but I will not let it affect me anymore.
Time to move on from it. I sulked too long and it’s embarrassing but I write this post because it’s a normal feeling- especially in your mid 20s- I have given advice to many friends, family members, coworkers who may have asked the “what if” questions or might take a week or so to reflect on their life, of the meaning of their life, of what is it that makes them truly happy in today’s world.
I came to realize that you can have many passions, not just one. Do you have more than one like, more than one goal? of course. The point is to keep moving ahead and doing your best =)You will accomplish your passions. Maybe not to the extent that you imagined – but you will touch upon all of them in your life; some way or the other. For me, maybe dental school wasn’t meant to be- maybe I was just supposed to travel the world and help 3rd world civilians with dental care – in that case… I accomplished my goal =)
My best advice to people having a mini mid 20’s life crisis. IT’s OKAY! First: breathe, 2nd: things could be worse (turn on the news), 3rd :reflect on what makes you happy and go for it!! If your initial dream doesn’t work out the way you planned, re-focus your plans, concentrate on what you really really want! What makes you the happiest. Everyone does or should do some soul searching – whether your 22 or 62!
I’ve said it before, and I’ll say it a million more times… You only have one life to live, Live it well! YOLO. I should take my own advice and… I finally am!
And to finish up with the mid week… we are officially over the hump today…Try one of these!!
This doughnut, not only comes in it’s own little box – but its warm and tastes just like the Krispy Kreme amazingnes that we used to have in MA.